Your Tells – It’s Who You Really Are

You are what you show people

We all have tells.
We aren’t aware of some of our personality and character traits that others see from us. We’re too busy being us. If you’re watching though, you see it in others.


The collection of our words and actions and mostly all the little in-betweens are what’s
really going on inside our head and heart. It’s all the little parts of discussions you have that tell people who you are, revealed in tidbits.


When you get upset at something it’s usually a trigger, a single quick reaction.
People notice that. People notice how you handle what you do after that as well.
The trigger is the tell. You have to look further to get it. It’s not just that they became upset. The conditions or the reasons why initiated the trigger. Learning why is learning the tell.
Do they need validation, credit, respect, protocol? That comes out in many ways and forms personality.
When you are quick to help another person, on their terms, which is what help is really about, that action is remembered. That is the tell. Do you do that out of kindness? Possibly you don’t do confrontation well or you have the need to be liked?
All personality shapers.


The smaller things are indicators of who you are. They are repeated opportunities for your inner thoughts to interact with the outside world – your philosophies come stumbling out, quick and unguarded.
Are yours filled with an attempt at understanding or quick to chide and dismiss?


These should be looked at as a part of the whole because we all say things on occasion that we didn’t mean or we were going for the laugh. Sometimes we just mishandle it. But that’s a slight few out of ten.


Ask a younger kid you know what you always do with them. Probably it’s something that they count as a big deal but you actually didn’t do that a whole lot or for a long period of time. It’s adding up the moments and the ones that carry more weight – both good and bad, are the tally of the person.


Your actions tell the story whether you’re a hard worker or lazy, generous or selfish with your time, helpful or guarded, defensive or willing (open). You really can’t help but to be who you are.


So when you see people react to you, very rarely do you have the chance to say that their opinion doesn’t count because they don’t know you. They know what you’ve shown them.
Who are you to others?
Who are you to you?


Scanning For Connection

Our attention spans have been shortened.
We live in a soundbite culture now.
We scan content, looking for a something to grab our attention.
What’s beyond the headline or the first few lines?


Compounding Connection

The things under the surface are what you build value upon.
The depth in the seeking, required to get to the multi-faceted source is what allows you to know what’s real amidst consideration of all the sides available.
That is the complexity of the human dynamic.
Enclosed in there is the main point, the honey of the beehive,
with all the stinging protection of vulnerability keeping us from it.
Through that work, is where real connection occurs.


Connection is allowing however. Even far less deep methods still form something
foundational to bind to. Connection on any level is what can change people.
It’s levels of depth hold it’s value.
Value is worth it’s price – but only those willing to pursue it and give some of their own value in return will find parts of the whole to lift them.
That lift is unimaginable until you find it, and then, realizing it’s ability, you work to find more small parts to propel you to great places you didn’t know of.


Once you find a person’s headline, and it brings you to their first few lines,
decide to connect.
It always has worth and you’ll seek it more.
Bits of what we all seek are in there.


Cautions Of Questioning

You can always question things
inside your own head

Questioning strengthens a process or opinion.

Let’s make the distinction between the noun and the verb – between asking in order to sort out your own understanding and questioning the standard or principle.
Asking a question is simpler and innocuous. It brings clarity.
Questioning, by contrast, is viewed as a challenge and seeks to change what has been established.

Asking is simple but we humans tend to make it more complex.
Asking for clarity engenders a different reaction than telling does. You’ve no doubt seen people who are really asking a question but do so in an authoritative manner, as though they’re telling you and still asking at the same time – confusing. That doesn’t bring about the right base reaction. They can’t clear the hurdle of that initial human reflex in many cases and get less than the full amount of understanding because of it. Doing so with a more inquisitive nature removes that. Inherently if you’re asking someone, you are submitting that you don’t know all of the information and authority has no relevance. You are not telling, you’re asking. It’s one or the other there. Regardless of your job, it shows the right spirit for information rather than positioning.

Publicly questioning, while seeming good on the surface, has it’s own gotcha’s.
Discretion and tact are your most effective tools whether in public or private.
Answer questions on your own if you can.
A good rule of thumb might well be to question using a bit more privacy.

To question the status quo is a wary progression.
Done right, it deepens relationships.
Done wrong, it fractures them.
Done right, it either fortifies or creates timely and called for change.
Done wrong, it chips away at the foundation or separates.

It’s more than just doing the right thing.
Right, done wrong, is wrong.

Seek the challenge beneath the problem.
How is still a question.
Why is a better one.

The Worldly Love Of Sneeze

Why is a sneeze so gratifying,
and the sneeze you can’t pull
so frustrating?


Expectations – realized or unmet, with the addition of surprise.



It’s not that I love to sneeze really, I mean, I kinda do, but it’s more in how I look at a sneeze.  You see, there are those moments in a day that give you the littlest bit of goodness that they should be appreciated and brought out into the bigger picture. The moments of optimism when everything’s great – optimoments.

It’s the first minute in the shower, the moment you spread out in bed after the covers get pulled up to your chin, the moment in a restaurant when the tray of food comes out from the kitchen – and it’s yours, the first bite of a really good steak, the moment when you fixed something on your own, and it works after testing, when someone else gives you sincere praise or value, when your social media post got the response you had hoped for and people are talking about it, when you just get done at the dentist and you run your tongue over your teeth to feel how clean they are.
These are small, good moments and can allow for other ones to follow if you see them as something to enjoy, appreciate.


I’ve noticed that people all sneeze differently, according possibly to their personality. Some let it go and blow it up, others control it and minimize it’s throughput. I wonder if that plays as to it’s enjoyment – holding it back to the end or letting it out fully.


Sneezing is better than a cough. A cough is just stuff in the way, like needing to blow your nose is. A sneeze could be looked at that way but it’s so much more. Sneezing is an explosive moment, an eye opener.


There’s enough trying parts of a day. I hear people letting those moments take hold with a grumble, myself included. Those are the pessimoments. That is, your more pessimistic moments.

Which moments you let take hold have more to do with the direction of your day and thus your every day.
Whatever your take on the sneeze, it’s one of the many parts of a day that goes by unnoticed for what it can bring to your contentment levels. I’m sure there are other parts of the day that have these inner moments looking to get out. There’s always more to value than first meets the mind.

Find it and you’re seeking a life of contentment.
One little gratifying sneeze at a time.


Repetition Brings Reputation

I hear this one: “Yeah that’s easy to say but…”


Yeah, you know what, it is easy to say.
When you repeat something over and over it goes from what you say to what you believe which then affects what you do.


What’s interesting to me about most anything repeated in your life is that it will affect you. Whether in a good way or a negative way is up to your daily choices. But repetition will affect you. Look at the fruit you produce to tell.


If, for example, you tell other people that you are an expert in something you want to be known as being great at, eventually people will think that. If you declare it loud and long enough people will associate that with you generally. But when asked to do something in that field, people will instantly know whether your words are true. If you’re not what you claim to be, you are then known not as what you wanted, but as an over-inflated ego or a liar. You will have shown yourself to be the opposite of your original desire.


On the other hand, if you repeat a learning practice, and one where you submit to a process of growth over and over with humility, you get good results. Having a spirit of learning includes people. It draws them in. Others who know their field will gladly help you gain knowledge or experience. It’s why most of your learning is done after schooling, in the real world. It’s not just passing labs or tests, it’s figuring out how to solve new problems in your field with others involved in the same pursuit. And as my Dad always told me “you’re never done learning.”


It’s not productive to spend time getting past the idea of what a person wants to be in a project. Productivity is gained by using the skills and understanding a person does possess while working together.
Experience is gained in either trade skills or manipulation.
Positive or negative.

Both methods are the process of repeating something over and over but achieve totally opposite results. The truth is the truth. Spin is manipulation. Repetition will expose both. The sooner we can settle ourselves with what is true, what we really are, the sooner we can avoid the pitfalls of not seeing the holes in the path we are walking. The path we repeat every day. Moving to a more complete picture of the real you is always worth it. It makes me wonder why anyone would waste time trying to convince a person that they are something they are not.


Being concerned with what others think is only valuable as it relates to how you work together.
Your repetition brings your reputation.
What’s yours?


Your 15 Minutes Of Fame – Revised

“In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.”

Back in the TV age, Andy Warhol spoke about everybody getting their 15 minutes of fame.
We are no longer in the TV age. VHS is gone. DVDs are soon a collector’s item. We are deeper into the connection age.


One, possibly two generations have now grown up being connected by the internet.
The driving medium of the generation has changed it’s generations attention span.
We connect differently because we connect differently.


We used to see people staring at the TV in a dopey state. It’s not too much different today in the way we all are looking at our devices. Except that things within our controls today keep us moving more than in the TV age. Swipe to that, Switch apps, snap someone, tweet a thought, oh, who messaged me, my alarm is set for, let me check my calendar, I gotta find out if – Siri lookup…hold on, lemme get a picture of that…


Today we get tiny amounts of captured attention per person mostly.
Unless we are digitally hanging out, we get about 15 seconds to check out this persons story, or see their latest post.
Andy Warhol’s quote, if given today, might have a shortened timeframe.
In the future, everybody will be famous for 15 seconds.
I hope that our somewhat new ability to reach people actually lets us reach them.
15 seconds is a short window.


You Can Stop Being Mad At Walmart Now

People have been mad at Walmart

I don’t mean people that shop there are mad. Nor am I meaning the Target vs. Walmart clientele comparison. Either could be another post from all I’ve seen but, no, not what I mean for this entry.
People are mad at the company in general.
Okay, there are many reasons why people are mad at Walmart and I’m sure there’s some legitimacy to the arguments. Whether it’s the pay issues or the insurance situation, there’s plenty of stores and instances to talk about. Maybe they’re all true and maybe the lore has gotten so big that derision has taken over. That also is not the point of this particular post, but it does touch on a part of the reason for all the anger.


Mad at change

Let’s go back to it’s root a bit and look at it from there.
Sam Walton had a great business model. It scaled enormously since his passing.
At 1735 locations in 1992 when he died, it was the Nation’s largest retailer, compared to today having more than 4200 stores worldwide with 11 Billion in profits, a current record. Things change when they hit scale like that.


Some people were mad when Walmart would come in to their town. One of the arguments was that it took all the ma and pa stores away, running them out of business. I saw that, it did happen. I know I’m not bringing up the arguments in any detail that people are vehement about and that’s because it’s not what I want to say. That other view is out there, already said and not my cause.


There are towns where Walmart has taken hold. It brought jobs. Maybe more jobs than it pushed out. If we’re all community minded and caring about our neighbors, that could be a good thing. Of course, when it’s you, your take on others’ benefits has it’s suddenly defined boundaries. Nonetheless, Walmart brought the convenience of products that may not have been available in that community. It brought the ancillary businesses and jobs that always show up nearby – the Olive Garden’s, Discount tires, Home Depot’s, Applebee’s etc.

Where my hope lies

It’s my hope that through the purging of both successful and poor running businesses that served a local community, the reset button was hit for the better, overall. Like the sadness of a fire over the landscape that promotes good new growth.
I know there are some standout businesses that couldn’t compete with the behemoth, that is sad – agreed. But it’s not the end of the story yet.
People are mad at the first part of the cycle. The full benefit of a change isn’t yet realized. If it was only that, I’d agree more.
Walmart provided something that was needed, as evidenced by the model working in that location and all the business it draws. Location after location has proven it.


The back half of change

Emerging now is a redefining of what your town really is by what it’s people want/need. The same need that Walmart brought originally, but deeper. Now there is the resurfacing of the ma and pa stores, more specialized to provide those things that Walmart can’t carry. Walmart can be many things to many people. But not all.
As an example,  if hockey is big in your community, Walmart may carry a few products to cater to that need, if at all, but they won’t carry the depth of product that a specialized sports or even hockey specific store could. Certainly not the depth of team and school named products the local hockey store would carry. You get customer support there because – hey, you’re a hockey town.


Pick an industry. If it’s wanted/needed in your town, a ma and pa can have great success with it. They will always be more community minded because it isn’t corporately run. Larger multi-store operations have to be financially efficient, catering to many stores. So the larger corporate entity homogenizes.
It’s back to the supply and demand that Walmart was founded upon.


Providing care of service and specialized products, the ma and pa model can be something that Walmart won’t even try to compete with. It’s not their model.
In other words there are many locally available holes in the market. I see them emerging and succeeding. It can be much more targeted. Maybe it’s another industry or a product line that is far more niche oriented. It’s small business, still the most prevalent in the US. Isn’t there a reason why there are so many small pizza joints in any town?


Just like most anything in life, if you get mad and stay mad, you’re probably not seeing or understanding the full depth of a situation. You are rendered unable to see the best opportunity when you get stuck in that mode. It’s no way to live. Not for me anyway.
I say move on, look deeper to get to the good stuff. It’s there.
I’m not saying you have to shop there but you can stop spending energy being mad at Walmart now.


Living The Dash


19xx – 20xx
Your headstone will have the info on your entire life


You have a birth date.
You have a death date.
You have a dash in between.


The dash is your life.
What are you filling the dash with?


Everybody has an in-between,
but everybody’s is completely different.
When your child asks about your grandparents – “What was she like?” – what you answer
is their dash. What your kids or friends will say about you now and when you’re gone, is your dash. You are living your dash.


Dash is an expression of speed.
A long dash is about 100 years, and that is still fast.
A short dash can often have more impact than another’s long dash.


Whatever dates surround us, choose to make your mark every day, on purpose.
When you’re wrong, right yourself and start again, fresh and ready to help people with what your mark between years did for them.
Fill your dash.
Make your mark.
The symbol that looks the same as everyone else’s, is your art defining it’s difference.
When the end date is written, it’s people’s thoughts that pack your years into moments.
Your existence, then, is as good as your dash.


❤️ = –  / – = ❤️


How Thank You Works

How can you make “thank you” feel bad?

The Method

Power-play someone.
Saying thank you to show that you are in control is exposed in how you say it.
Try saying “I LOVE YOU” in a hard tone to your dog and see if she feels the love.
She will back away.


If it’s a platitude, don’t bother with the nicety – it’s performing the opposite effect.
Either you were never taught how to express a true emotion properly or you’re gaming us.


Thanks is a great thing when felt and expressed.
Make it work – use it right.
Honesty is funny that way.
Please don’t abuse it so as to take away from it’s proper intent by those who mean well.
I’d rather not even have to question it’s authenticity.


Feelings are Everyone’s Tell

You have to feel thankful to express it properly.
Words by themselves, not connected to the corresponding actions hold no real power.
Manipulation might bring you the short term result, but it will not engender continued buy-in.
Honesty connects to the power of expression. It’s why a good speaker, telling a compelling story brings us along and connects us to their assertion.


A real declaration of your appreciation should bring about a release in you and an openness in the recipient. That is ingested, processed in an instant through your head, heart and emotion filters and a form of reciprocation is the result, whether acted upon or not.


Manners are not just learned they are the result of being comfortable with yourself and putting that out as a standard in going about your day. Your output most often matches your input. Your choice is in how you receive, and what you do with, that input. What comes out is what you’ve decided.


Thanks is more than just the word, it’s a methodology.
Intentionality works both ways. It shows us what you’re really aiming at.
I prefer honesty in expression.
And to those who continue trying to do that –
I say Thank You!