goiG's contracted water - Dr. Bunk

goiG’s Contracted Water


My corporate identity.

They treated me like a number and so I acted like one.
I worked 3rd shift – all night long.
It’s my relationship to the movie Office Space.


In the office at the front desk the plants were dying.  Me and my fellow number identifiers left a note that we watered them so they wouldn’t get either none or too much from 1st shift.
That led to a corporate memo saying that we have a contract with a company who comes in and waters them so we aren’t allowed to.


My next note to 1st shift had one of the plant stems acting as an arm, holding a pen next to a sticky note that read “Feed me – signed, the plant.”


Another corporate memo and a mini breakdown from the receptionist.


goiG and his fellow co-workers were the problem here.
The work we were there to do? That was done properly and on time. That was boring enough. But this level of nutty was more than a person can reasonably be expected not to react to.
It was as reactive in it’s direction as the over-reaching stupidity of a corporate control mechanism designed to keep the minions in their place was.
My corporate number was 9016, but I was known as goiG.

Because I love these so much, feel free to post any of your “Office Space” moments in the comments section below.

2 thoughts on “goiG’s Contracted Water”

  1. I was working for a (then) major music keyboard manufacturer when we were purchased by a (then) major billion-dollar computer company in Asia. They also purchased another American keyboard company, told us former rivals to work together and proceeded to start laying people off. It wasn’t the worlds most pleasant working environment. Frankly, I was over the tension; after all, this was just a job, not real life, right?

    Well, our former rivals were about to launch a new product, a serious and expensive musical instrument called….I kid you not….. Fizmo. Yes, Fizmo. Now, part of product management, which is what I did, was finding a name for a new product. Fizmo was the ‘working title’ during development and I guess they never had a better idea. They decided to call their ‘new take’ on synthesis ‘Transwave’, whatever that means, I assume in an attempt to make it more serious sounding or something.

    Despite all the reactions and accusations and all this bad blood, I had to do something. So I wrote a song which is what I do.

    (imagine it to the tune like an old toy advertisement, something like “Log” from the Ren & Stimpy Show)

    It’s got lots of buttons and knobs,
    It’s got sliders, too.
    It’s got a 61 note keyboard,
    MIDI in, out, and thru.

    It’s Fizmo, it’s Fizmo,
    It’s fun for girls and boys;
    It’s Fizmo, it’s Fizmo,
    The Transwave Synthesis Toy!

    I recorded it, including vocals which where pitch-shifted to sound like children singing, and let the music drift around the marketing and sales departments through recordings left in interesting places, like the voice mail of the tech support crew.

    The song got rave reviews, despite no one claiming the copyrights.

    And yes, I was laid off.

    1. Awesome! Getting laid off is a good thing in cases like that. Let’s you become a person again.

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