Negativity will show itself to be your fear.
Rather than building with encouragement, we see far too many examples where other peoples weakness is the topic.
We can ask – were we made stronger for exposing our fear of connection, our fear of being real?
It is not our best self.
So we should not engage with those operating in that manner other than to assist in stating another method of thought.
They are showing how afraid they are.
That is noticeable.
That helps little to nothing.
Let’s not be controlled by our fear.
Get busy doing what you love and fear subsides.
When you find out that you are afraid of something, an irrational fear, you owe it to yourself to face up to it.
Fear is a weight you feel and have to name before you can unload it.
Call it out to yourself and move forward.
Not being polite according to the old standards is sometimes taken as rude
I’m working on it.
After not seeing someone for a long time, my opening comment used to be ”how are you?” or “how have you been?” But that’s not really what I meant.
It’s not what I meant because it won’t get the response I’m really after.
It kicks in the automatic reply. Worse, if I don’t intend on sticking around for the long version, which tends to come out of people from time to time, I’m looking for a way out. That is also perceived as rude.
It’s not me being honest.
Honesty can be rude sometimes.
People take the ways others go about meeting at the gravitational pull of connection differently.
Some people take offense if it’s not done according to their methods. Others don’t feign connection. Cordial implies one accepted means of friendliness. Being real attempts below the surface level of connection, or acknowledgement without taking time.
Pay attention to just how often we do the traditional in the course of a day. There are countless amounts of standard, automatic, stock sayings and responses we use in society. They are attempts at polite connection. They don’t connect. They don’t connect precisely because of their automation. They kick our minds into the same automated level as our life functions. We don’t think about how we make our hand move or blinking.
At best they can open dialogue by breaking the ice.
Breaking the ice
Below the ice there is a flow of water.
How often do we take the time after breaking though? And couldn’t we circumvent the awkward standards with the courage to be more real in what we say?
My challenge is to re-approach the whole experience.
Often I’ll ask a different question. One that makes people actually answer what I’m after. Maybe “what has happened since I’ve seen you last?” is better, or inquiring more specifically about something you know they are doing. Even a connecting statement like “Hi, great to see you again” is straight forward. It’s an affirming expression with no expectation of cordial, nearly meaningless conversation. Then, if I want to and think you do too, we can eventually find the time to sit down and dig in. That’s what the formality is there to instigate in the first place. Neither approach is that big of a change in practice, yet the difference breaks the standard expectations and, to me anyway, is more real.
With the erosion of social graces to a large degree, held up more culturally in the Midwestern States, it’s more important than ever to find ways to connect by being the example of what we are asking about. Break the mold of conversational automation.
Say something new. On purpose.
Be honest and connect with those you want to be inspired by in any way.
The risk is worth it.