Tag Archives: Choice

The Melting Effects Of Realization


The good things in your life, the things you get really happy about, how did it get that way for you?


The things that are not working in your life, the things you sometimes feel powerless to change, are you able to realize why?


When you see something clearly, your choice, your path is obvious. Realization brings clarity, clarity brings direction.
All of a sudden the battles you used to have begin to melt away as you shift your focus towards the new realization. You will have found what needs your attention, what work gets your time.


How great is that?
That’s work worth doing.


The Slow Shift From Force To Connection

A Roar Ignored is Unheard

If a Roar is unheard it’s because what you’ve heard in the past shows that you’ve been misled. The act of consistently being misled leads to no gathering of joined purpose. So it could be spelled unherd as well. Roars should get progressively easier to ignore or work around. Once you realize the roars have no teeth, you just hear a noise that you want to move away from. A pointless attempt at control via the uncontrolled rant.

This is how we are talked to.
We get it from TV, many media sources, work, maybe even at home. There is quite a lot of positional bullying going on –
Do this, here’s what I think, here’s what you do, hurry up, act now.
We are still being sold to as if we have the scarce amount of choices as in the 1930’s.
Of course we have more choice than ever. But old habits die hard. Even the youngest generations are used to being sold in traditional ways. It’s still how we respond to marketing out of social pressure, desire to have what we want or other basic human instinct.

Despite this, we are undergoing a shift in the way we interact. Younger generations are losing one ability and gaining another. They may lose some ability to speak directly to another human and effectively speak their mind in person but they certainly get that we are in a culture of choices and to find what you want in pursuing who you want to be is technologically easy. You can learn anything on You Tube.
They don’t want ads forced upon them. It still happens but not in the same manner or as often because they click away from it. How would TV ads ever been allowed to dominate the culture in American sales if the Skip Ad option was available over the past 70 years?


The roars may have shifted.
From the output of do what I say to the input of listen to me –
the practice of let’s see what’s on, to the search query.
(Culture of TV vs Internet)

The Philosophy of Choice

Communication was changed by the ingestion of media. The methods became an accepted norm. We bring this into our work and home life. We don’t have time for listening, being interested or for solving things with another person, we have to wrap it up and get to the next thing. Even if the next thing is nothing.
Realizing this means you have signaled the dulling of connection. It’s time to reinvest in yourself.

Starting the shift

To speak too loudly brings the opposite response.
Sure, the issue gets heard but the ability to solve it has instant opposition.
If a project doesn’t have alignment, that project is doomed to failure.
When people are vying for position, power is the priority before the project itself.

Focusing on relationships in business brings results that will always be better, it holds the more comprehensive parts of life, more than money can do for us.
This is the best method financially as well, but money is actually the last step. It’s the last part of the interaction when there is work done well. It’s the result of unity on a project done for the ability to serve a need.
The team is cohesive, the product is cohesive.

The days of success by pure force are dwindling. At least en masse.
The progression looked like this: Word of Mouth> Newspapers> 3 TV channels + UHF > Cable> Internet> Streaming+Searching. Could we go back? No way. It went from opinion of the few to the many. Trust went from someone you knew to someone’s review.
Trust is where the actual shift is happening online.
It’s gonna take time because we’re all human.

Short term force will always be there but reason and connection seems to be the slow and inexorable shift. The longer and certainly tougher shift is in our ability to seek out our best with so much choice.
Marketing at it’s best is about connection. Sales come from good, consistent marketing.

Force will be practiced by those unable or unwilling to do the real and difficult work of listening and being honest in their offers.
Force is bullying tactics. The world is onto you and the internet found out how to even the score because it’s best tool is that of connection.

There’s no need to be silent when everything in you wants to roar.
It’s just that a roar isn’t gonna do it anymore. Reason is having it’s day.
These are the moments where your best self gets it’s chance to practice.

Hard-Wired To Lie Is Only Half True


I’ve heard the argument that kids
don’t need to be taught how to lie.
They know how to inherently.


While true, I still disagree with the premise. At least in part.
In my estimation it’s one-sided.
Where you are on this point speaks to your world view in general.


Children also know how to be honest.
“Out of the mouths of babes.” Kids tell the brutal truth.
So they know how to do that inherently also.
Let’s attempt to keep the scale balanced with the revelation of truth.


Learning to Choose

Kids don’t have the social filters of experience either in lying or truth telling.
Their choice is what we’re talking about.
Kids first learn about truth or lies by testing it out at home or by what they see at home. They want to get a response from the parent. They are seeking engagement.
What is the parent encouraging?
Kids inherently want to connect, to have a bond as they find out about boundaries. They want the safety to push and still come back to everything in their world being ok.
Although they aren’t aware of why, what they are really seeking, with honesty or lies, is the ability to form relationships that help them grow and understand themselves.


Relationships are inherently a good thing, the choice of good ones or bad ones aside.
Isolation is the opposite of relationship.
You send a kid to their room when they do wrong.
A prisoner gets put into isolation as punishment even as he is being isolated from the rest of the world as punishment.


Kids seek relationships first from parents and siblings. Then friends.
They will choose relationships with people. Whether it’s positive or negative probably has more to do with their evaluation of relationships that were established early in their lives. That’s were good parenting comes in.
If you have a relationship with your kids, and you praise honesty and give them good results with honesty, if you teach them the proper boundaries of dishonesty, then you give them tools to form good relationships with later.
Seems obvious, right? Yet there are many to whom it doesn’t seem so, and you know some of them.
Tools, example and proper encouragement are what we can best give, it’s individual choice beyond that.


Kids do indeed know how to lie by nature. That’s true. That is not the argument.
Not enough weight is given to what is taught about connecting and the rewards of being honest. It’s not as concrete. Morality gets its results later. Results from a lie are right now.


Kids will manipulate, we all do.
The balancing of it is the interesting part of the discussion.
I know people who are very in balance with the amount of honesty they have in their life.
They are happy, well-adjusted people. They can handle the down cycles. I’ve seen them get through it.
The argument is in the dominant thought that kids, actually all adults too, fundamentally have the knowledge of how to lie, how to tell the truth, and that their choice is so deep-seeded towards lying that they just can’t help it.
Are adults then perpetuating this programming of how to lie and manipulate by the hierarchical work system and a media culture bent to coerce?


Lying is given far too much attention and leaves negative affects as a result. If given the choice, and we are, who would want negative results? It’s the expectation of your experience. It’s where you place your attention daily by the default of your actions. As in the example where your child comes home with All A’s and one B- and you only focus on what went wrong to get the B rather than praising all they did to get A’s.


If we are given human defaults, abilities, as gifts to use in our lives, we are responsible for strengthening our ability to manage them with ethics.
The following question is – where do we get our ethics from?
If you believe that something is a gift from God, doesn’t that mean we have a responsibility to strengthen it?
Once we have a source for ethics, or a gauge to go by, we still have the hard work of controlling our behavior.
That is the bigger factor in your life towards being successful and impactful.


Pre-wired is a starting point.
The result of our lives is something we have to jump into and engage with.
That is connection and that’s the truth.


Dentists Mess With Your Head

I didn’t expect mental floss

I was diagnosed with Bruxism.
It’s okay, it sounds worse than it is.
My dentist told me I grind my teeth.
I was asked if I did and I said no. But I do.
The signs were obvious to a professional. He knows me better than I do.
This is deeper than I thought.


The results of teeth grinding can be telling and mildly destructive.
The problem is, I can’t control what I am unaware of. Like when people get mad at you for snoring.


I’m told teeth grinding is most likely a reaction to stress.
That’s another question I’d answer no to.
I don’t think I’m stressed out ever.
My teeth would argue that.
The day after my appointment I caught myself grinding. Aaah gurf, he was right!
Another spot of wear on my teeth indicated a different grind, one I must be doing at night. Now how am I gonna do anything about stopping what I do at night?


Reaction or prevention

Dental therapy was not what I saw coming. I was getting mental braces to correct my mind and get it to line up right.

I was getting advice where my teeth were the catalyst for a psychological discussion.
I was talking with a dentist about stress.

What we think is so much bigger than we realize.
Our body hits autopilot on so many functions we are unaware of – good and bad.
If I was to attack the issue with props like a mouth guard, I wouldn’t be challenging the stress. It only serves to minimize the effect of the stress reaction.
So our solves put us always back to our thinking life.


As a man thinketh, so is he.
2000 year old wisdom.
Our thoughts can cure or breakdown.
Our thoughts are our choice.
The choice seems obvious.
The practice is tougher.


My insurance wouldn’t cover dental psychotherapy.
I had to pay for learning that lesson on my own.



I have driven a lot over the years.
I’ve heard it said that if a deer crosses the road
in front of you, rather than avoiding it
you should just go ahead and hit it.

The theory is that by avoiding the deer you could cause greater harm
by running off the road, risking greater injury to yourself or hit another car.
It does, however, provide one of life’s little quandary’s.

Do you take the sure thing, accepting what it is, or do you risk
the possibility of failure with the equal possibility
of an intensely better outcome?
Known vs. unknown. Your risk tolerance.
It’s what’s behind curtain number three that intrigues us.

You might not realize it but this is a daily choice

If we’re moving towards a goal, our path is not dictated solely by the absoluteness of
the choice in front of us. There’s more to it than that.
Your path gets thought through with the long term goal in mind.

For instance, you might turn down an opportunity that pays better, and has better perks than your current situation because it is in a different industry and thus strays down
a different path than the one your plan moves you towards.
It would change your direction moving you off course.
Or conversely,  you might stay in a situation that you know isn’t what you ultimately want, but it is in the right direction. It’s part of your preparation. You learn things you will need in your ultimate goal so that’s a piece of your puzzle. Rather than jump ship, you tolerate,
for a term, because it meets up more with your long term goals.

Optimally, you are the driver.
You are the one placing and replacing the gifts behind each curtain.
Although each choice you make might provide a different surprise behind each curtain,
each reveal would be one that works for you.

The purpose of having a plan is that you are then the one putting each surprise behind the curtain. As you grow and get better, you replace what goes behind each curtain.

Opportunities come that you didn’t see when you started down the path
– and they do come.

Your choices, then, of those new opportunities, get more targeted – better.
You’re making your own deal instead of waiting for Monty Hall to offer you a choice.

It’s been said that you make your own opportunity.
That’s what this is.

Each choice you make towards your goal prepares each curtain with a better and better choice for you to make, incrementally, as you grow.

So live the process of your plan.
You do have a plan, right? A goal that sets the course?

Be in charge of what goes behind your curtain.
Don’t let the gameshow host have the power over your choices.
What is your goal? What choice will you make today towards that goal?