Tag Archives: effort

Friends For Life

Everybody has a central issue that
negatively affects their life

Most don’t even know it.
Do you?

Is it credit seeking?
Is it self-esteem, value?
Is it fairness or justice?

These are things that likely are deep-seated from childhood in most cases. There are also inherent genetic or chemical issues that have been developed by your make up. Maybe you’ve been around a poor influence for a long period of time and you got lost in that way of thinking.

Finding this out gives you the ability to address it and understand where problems can come from and then how to deal with them effectively.

It’s the hardest part of the entire equation because you are forced to realize that you are in fact, not good at something that is holding you back. That is never fun to admit. We all have that thing to admit though. That’s a part of being human.

What you do after acknowledging that you need work should come from a more healthy place. There is a level of submission to something you don’t fully understand. It softens the hard exterior that other people couldn’t relate to you through. What people see as vulnerable and in need of protection is actually the very thing that allows another to relate honestly with a person. This is what relationships are really all about.

There are people you know right now that you could be much better friends with. Something is missing and you’re not sure what it is.

What does being a friend look like?

Among other things it means not trying so hard to convince other people that you have all the answers. Your opinion may, in fact, be correct but if it costs relationship by brow-beating someone with whom you are in a conversation, you’ve won nothing. They are not more impressed by you. Allow people their thoughts too. You may come away with a new perspective.
That’s also called growth.

Some won’t put in the effort and their results will show it.
There are, however, many waiting for those of us willing to be a friend – to any degree. That means liking someone enough to listen.
Even at the gas station or quickly at the grocery store. From that comes the parts of your life that are about to get better. Having good friends will affect you in a much bigger than expected way – even one or two more.

It is statistically shown to lengthen life and reduce things like high blood pressure and stress. These aren’t things you think about but the results are in – making this effort as clinical and real as anything your doctor could prescribe.
This is for the benefit of your life.
The true, deep, honest and meaningful benefit of your life.

If asked, everyone would say that they want a good life, and as long as possible. That end goal is why the effort is needed now.

It’s worth it to know.
It’s worth it to fight through.
We all have it but not everyone has overcome it.

Are you able to question the kind of friend you are?
The quality of your life dares you to try.

Start With Try

 Don’t let what you know
prevent you from making a difference


We know what he have to do.
We could say reminders like this are obvious.
They are.
Then why is it so hard for us to do what we know we should?


While he’s right of course, the mental step to get that resolve scares us. Being afraid to fail subconsciously stops us.
“What if…?”


The mental step before do is try.
It’s a small step but an important one.
It’s the initial push that starts the wheel moving, the impetus, the first forward motion. That is the tough part.


Effort Is Everything

With relationships as well as career paths, trying is the difference. Effort brings action. Action you can work with.


The issue isn’t trying and not succeeding. It’s not trying.
Success of any kind accepts failed efforts.
Trying brings some new level of understanding.
Improvement follows.
Not trying delivers expected results.


If becoming a Jedi isn’t your goal, then maybe we can bring it down a notch.
Start with try. Trying is doing. Keep doing.



When can’t is really won’t

When you try to help but it doesn’t,
it doesn’t negate your effort.
How it’s received is only half your part.

If there’s something you can do differently,
do it.
Otherwise the other half is out of your
control and you have to move forward.

Helping doesn’t mean
being taken advantage of.
Acting with kindness is also
leading by example.
Like a good parent.
You can do this with others too.
Your line of what you accept
is not up to them.

I’ve heard it said in professional circles
that the opposite of love isn’t hate,
it’s apathy.
When your help isn’t understood,
check yourself.
Try to avoid apathy,
but at one point it’s ok to move on.


Move on from those who won’t be able
to be helped by what you can offer them.
Maybe that will change.
If it does, apathy won’t let you
get to a place of being able to assist.


Each person has to do something
with the help for themselves.
The best help you can be is that of example.


It’s not easy trying to accomplish
all that you want and still
not miss anything in your kids lives.
They are only kids for such a short time.


My solution
Bring ‘em with.
There are times when I miss going sledding or out on the pontoon boat
with family cuz I have some work to finish but they come with me
to the office on Saturdays and run errands with me.
I make sure we have fun.
I always mix in something for them.
They remember that little stuff.
I know so because they tell me so.


I have to be sure to do the water park or play catch
or go clothes shopping too because, to a kid,
that’s a much bigger part of their world.
That’s also what they will remember  – their stuff.

You see this when they want to show you the most
mundane detail of what they’ve just done.
It’s their world that you’re being invited into.
Letting them show you does many things, all of them good.
The least of those is the shaping of their perception of
your involvement and caring into their world.
What are you willing to give up to do that?

Watch movies together, do house projects, walk the dog.
When they have friends over, romp about doing their thing
with them in spurts as much as you can.
Their perception of always is whenever they ask.
When you say yes, perception and yes go together
and become always to them.


When they say that I always do this,
the truth is that it’s only really once in awhile.
But to them, the memory of a little effort
is bigger than the effort itself.
Mostly it’s not even an effort, it’s fun.
We kinda forget some of that, being an adult so caught up
in pursuing the dream that we forget to pursue happiness.
Kids get that.


So I have tried to say YES first.
Even a little effort goes a long way.
This translates to your own perception too.
Being the first one in to work or the last to leave,
the one who makes the deadline, the one who consistently
gets the job done, while not discussed, is perceived as always.


Being a Family Guy, even without kids or a family of your own
takes the ability to not do whatever you want, but do what you must.
Being there for other people may not have overt, instant daily rewards,
but the rewards are definitely there.
I promise you that even if no words are spoken that give you the idea
that what you are doing matters, it goes in.
It matters.
It helps you. It helps them.


Hey, the weekend’s coming up.
Say YES!
See what it starts in you – or about you.


We are very sensitive these days.
With less social borders in our day
we call out people from our cars, computers
and phones. It seems as though people are
out giving their opinions everywhere.
I’m doing it now.

In so many cases I see publicly, or what is offered on TV or the interweb,
people just throw an opinion without another side, and without any
redeeming counter or question.
Worse, many people accept it as truth only because it was put in front of them.
I wonder if some people have just never been taught the art of tact, compassion,
or even the ability to get along.
This is tested daily when things don’t go like we want them to.

I didn’t get my way. So what?

The only productive thing to do when things don’t go like you want
is to move forward with as good of a situation as you can muster.
I say this to myself through this post.
Go ahead and get bothered, quickly, fine, but you gotta get on with things.

Sure there’s points where disrespect is so present that you need to
move away from it or call it out, but otherwise, push past the oversight if you can.
I try to stay quieter than normal and let actions be what you are judged by.
Not that I’m really that great at it but I know it’s the thing I have to do.
Trying gets me better at it.
This will thicken your skin. It thickens your skin by absorbing nutrients
through the weathering of storms. It’s hard to hang on.
It’s especially hard for extroverts who might react faster than introverts
but if you recognize it, you will find character in it.

Character is built when you do what’s right in the face of opposition
to your own tendencies.
Growing some character lets you grow into other directions you can’t get to
without the difficulty of forging through that process.
You don’t just go from undisciplined, bad behavior and destructive relationships to high character, disciplined and living on purpose without going through steps to set the habits.

I know, you try to get along and help others.
Your interaction in their lives is what makes you friends.
It’s a two-way street. If you’re outputting, you should have much input from them too.
This sharpens you both, right? Communication deepens relationships.

The people barking orders without accepting any input – those telling you what’s wrong with you – being overly critical, they call themselves realists. They’re living that out.
It’s the one bad apple out of a hundred that gets your attention.
The fruit in their lives is rotten.
It’s laying all over the ground and nobody is coming to pick it up.
Sad that they don’t realize that they can do something about it.
They don’t seem to have the tools to know when it’s good to plant (give)
and when it’s best to pick (take).
When their opinion isn’t accepted it makes them more bitter and
more convicted in their “bleakist” opinions.
If a softening doesn’t come from your influence, from your being honest
with them in a kind way, then you have to move away from them.
They will affect you.

These are extremes, I realize.
We all know these people though.
I think realizing extremes makes doing the tough stuff for those of us
in the middle easier to recognize and then do.

When fruit is ripe it comes off without resistance.
Too early and it’s a struggle – it’s still too green.
Too late and it’s already fallen away.
The reach takes some effort, and it is worth it.
Picking up what’s on the ground is effortless and what you get from it
isn’t nearly as good, in fact, often bad.

Expend a little energy – good fruit gives it back.

Reach up for your fruit.
It’s good for you.