Tag Archives: friends

Friends For Life

Everybody has a central issue that
negatively affects their life

Most don’t even know it.
Do you?

Is it credit seeking?
Is it self-esteem, value?
Is it fairness or justice?

These are things that likely are deep-seated from childhood in most cases. There are also inherent genetic or chemical issues that have been developed by your make up. Maybe you’ve been around a poor influence for a long period of time and you got lost in that way of thinking.

Finding this out gives you the ability to address it and understand where problems can come from and then how to deal with them effectively.

It’s the hardest part of the entire equation because you are forced to realize that you are in fact, not good at something that is holding you back. That is never fun to admit. We all have that thing to admit though. That’s a part of being human.

What you do after acknowledging that you need work should come from a more healthy place. There is a level of submission to something you don’t fully understand. It softens the hard exterior that other people couldn’t relate to you through. What people see as vulnerable and in need of protection is actually the very thing that allows another to relate honestly with a person. This is what relationships are really all about.

There are people you know right now that you could be much better friends with. Something is missing and you’re not sure what it is.

What does being a friend look like?

Among other things it means not trying so hard to convince other people that you have all the answers. Your opinion may, in fact, be correct but if it costs relationship by brow-beating someone with whom you are in a conversation, you’ve won nothing. They are not more impressed by you. Allow people their thoughts too. You may come away with a new perspective.
That’s also called growth.

Some won’t put in the effort and their results will show it.
There are, however, many waiting for those of us willing to be a friend – to any degree. That means liking someone enough to listen.
Even at the gas station or quickly at the grocery store. From that comes the parts of your life that are about to get better. Having good friends will affect you in a much bigger than expected way – even one or two more.

It is statistically shown to lengthen life and reduce things like high blood pressure and stress. These aren’t things you think about but the results are in – making this effort as clinical and real as anything your doctor could prescribe.
This is for the benefit of your life.
The true, deep, honest and meaningful benefit of your life.

If asked, everyone would say that they want a good life, and as long as possible. That end goal is why the effort is needed now.

It’s worth it to know.
It’s worth it to fight through.
We all have it but not everyone has overcome it.

Are you able to question the kind of friend you are?
The quality of your life dares you to try.

Looking In The Recesses

 

I haven’t had baked beans in a long time

 

I just kind of forgot about them.
I saw them deep in the cupboard while foraging for what to make for dinner.
You know the moment, You look at the can and kinda mentally taste it.
A whole lotta info gets sifted in those few seconds of judgement.

 

I don’t know, they seem kinda basic, maybe a bit too picnic-y for me. I’m not saying I’m better than the baked bean lifestyle, I don’t even know what that is. There’s probably funky shorts and ratty sandals involved. But I decided to break out the bakers and eat them with a burger.

 

Holy wood stump were they good!

 

I guess it’s true, all those sayings like distance makes the heart grow fond.
I’m going to explore a few more things like this.

 

The storied magic of beans dissipates as quickly as the expected excess of bad air they are legend to produce.
I don’t think I’ll be having baked beans again soon because the allure is gone. But I know there’s other things in my cupboard that might have been there for a year that I’ll have a great time trying again.
What, I’m not gonna throw it out unless I have to. Like spam, that stuff is about as good as bad gets.

 

I gave up on the potted meat. They don’t even try coming up with a name for it. It’s just what it is – potted meat. What is that, could it take root? For all I know Spam is potted meat,  but I’ll eat Spam cuz it has a name to connect to.
I don’t think the potted meat had an expiration date but I gave it one. It was bought more as a joke anyway.

 

Some things are kept in the recesses for a reason and others are undervalued, even just forgotten. Most everything has that moment where you look at it and see it’s best. That’s what got me to buy in to it in the first place.

 

I’m sure there’s some friends I have that are like the baked beans. I should look ‘em up.
If you can dig past the spam, you probably have a few cans of baked beans too.
Sometimes the background of your life is worth bringing back to the forefront and sometimes it just causes bad air.
Still, it’s worth a look.

 

Hard-Wired To Lie Is Only Half True

 

I’ve heard the argument that kids
don’t need to be taught how to lie.
They know how to inherently.

 

While true, I still disagree with the premise. At least in part.
In my estimation it’s one-sided.
Where you are on this point speaks to your world view in general.

 

Children also know how to be honest.
“Out of the mouths of babes.” Kids tell the brutal truth.
So they know how to do that inherently also.
Let’s attempt to keep the scale balanced with the revelation of truth.

 

Learning to Choose

Kids don’t have the social filters of experience either in lying or truth telling.
Their choice is what we’re talking about.
Kids first learn about truth or lies by testing it out at home or by what they see at home. They want to get a response from the parent. They are seeking engagement.
What is the parent encouraging?
Kids inherently want to connect, to have a bond as they find out about boundaries. They want the safety to push and still come back to everything in their world being ok.
Although they aren’t aware of why, what they are really seeking, with honesty or lies, is the ability to form relationships that help them grow and understand themselves.

 

Relationships are inherently a good thing, the choice of good ones or bad ones aside.
Isolation is the opposite of relationship.
You send a kid to their room when they do wrong.
A prisoner gets put into isolation as punishment even as he is being isolated from the rest of the world as punishment.

 

Kids seek relationships first from parents and siblings. Then friends.
They will choose relationships with people. Whether it’s positive or negative probably has more to do with their evaluation of relationships that were established early in their lives. That’s were good parenting comes in.
If you have a relationship with your kids, and you praise honesty and give them good results with honesty, if you teach them the proper boundaries of dishonesty, then you give them tools to form good relationships with later.
Seems obvious, right? Yet there are many to whom it doesn’t seem so, and you know some of them.
Tools, example and proper encouragement are what we can best give, it’s individual choice beyond that.

 

Kids do indeed know how to lie by nature. That’s true. That is not the argument.
Not enough weight is given to what is taught about connecting and the rewards of being honest. It’s not as concrete. Morality gets its results later. Results from a lie are right now.

 

Kids will manipulate, we all do.
The balancing of it is the interesting part of the discussion.
I know people who are very in balance with the amount of honesty they have in their life.
They are happy, well-adjusted people. They can handle the down cycles. I’ve seen them get through it.
The argument is in the dominant thought that kids, actually all adults too, fundamentally have the knowledge of how to lie, how to tell the truth, and that their choice is so deep-seeded towards lying that they just can’t help it.
Are adults then perpetuating this programming of how to lie and manipulate by the hierarchical work system and a media culture bent to coerce?

 

Lying is given far too much attention and leaves negative affects as a result. If given the choice, and we are, who would want negative results? It’s the expectation of your experience. It’s where you place your attention daily by the default of your actions. As in the example where your child comes home with All A’s and one B- and you only focus on what went wrong to get the B rather than praising all they did to get A’s.

 

If we are given human defaults, abilities, as gifts to use in our lives, we are responsible for strengthening our ability to manage them with ethics.
The following question is – where do we get our ethics from?
If you believe that something is a gift from God, doesn’t that mean we have a responsibility to strengthen it?
Once we have a source for ethics, or a gauge to go by, we still have the hard work of controlling our behavior.
That is the bigger factor in your life towards being successful and impactful.

 

Pre-wired is a starting point.
The result of our lives is something we have to jump into and engage with.
That is connection and that’s the truth.

 

HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

What do you do
that will be there
after you’re gone?

 

I know, I know, it’s another 80 or 100 years away
but still worth the thought.

 

Do you write journals, or timelines of family history?
Do you create works of art or write music?
Do you organize your photos and catalog your experiences?
Are you a storyteller? Passing along pieces that will be told for generations?

 

YOUR LIFE – YOUR LEGACY
You are certainly worth remembering.
You have a say in what people will recall about you.
Did you think about that even once before?

 

How do people react to you when you’re around?
What you do today is shaping that.

 

A life well lived includes people.
Not only your pursuits but your pursuits for and with other people.
If you spend your time only for yourself, you will get what you are earning.
If you spend time with and for others, your legacy is one of inclusion, of connection.

 

Recharge by yourself but plug back in with family and friends.
Being a part of a memory starts with being there.

 

You will be gone someday – remember?
Connect your forever to today.

 

GOOD FRUIT CAN THICKEN YOUR SKIN

We are very sensitive these days.
With less social borders in our day
we call out people from our cars, computers
and phones. It seems as though people are
out giving their opinions everywhere.
I’m doing it now.

In so many cases I see publicly, or what is offered on TV or the interweb,
people just throw an opinion without another side, and without any
redeeming counter or question.
Worse, many people accept it as truth only because it was put in front of them.
I wonder if some people have just never been taught the art of tact, compassion,
or even the ability to get along.
This is tested daily when things don’t go like we want them to.

I didn’t get my way. So what?

The only productive thing to do when things don’t go like you want
is to move forward with as good of a situation as you can muster.
I say this to myself through this post.
Go ahead and get bothered, quickly, fine, but you gotta get on with things.

Sure there’s points where disrespect is so present that you need to
move away from it or call it out, but otherwise, push past the oversight if you can.
I try to stay quieter than normal and let actions be what you are judged by.
Not that I’m really that great at it but I know it’s the thing I have to do.
Trying gets me better at it.
This will thicken your skin. It thickens your skin by absorbing nutrients
through the weathering of storms. It’s hard to hang on.
It’s especially hard for extroverts who might react faster than introverts
but if you recognize it, you will find character in it.

Character is built when you do what’s right in the face of opposition
to your own tendencies.
Growing some character lets you grow into other directions you can’t get to
without the difficulty of forging through that process.
You don’t just go from undisciplined, bad behavior and destructive relationships to high character, disciplined and living on purpose without going through steps to set the habits.

I know, you try to get along and help others.
Your interaction in their lives is what makes you friends.
It’s a two-way street. If you’re outputting, you should have much input from them too.
This sharpens you both, right? Communication deepens relationships.

The people barking orders without accepting any input – those telling you what’s wrong with you – being overly critical, they call themselves realists. They’re living that out.
It’s the one bad apple out of a hundred that gets your attention.
The fruit in their lives is rotten.
It’s laying all over the ground and nobody is coming to pick it up.
Sad that they don’t realize that they can do something about it.
They don’t seem to have the tools to know when it’s good to plant (give)
and when it’s best to pick (take).
When their opinion isn’t accepted it makes them more bitter and
more convicted in their “bleakist” opinions.
If a softening doesn’t come from your influence, from your being honest
with them in a kind way, then you have to move away from them.
They will affect you.

These are extremes, I realize.
We all know these people though.
I think realizing extremes makes doing the tough stuff for those of us
in the middle easier to recognize and then do.

When fruit is ripe it comes off without resistance.
Too early and it’s a struggle – it’s still too green.
Too late and it’s already fallen away.
The reach takes some effort, and it is worth it.
Picking up what’s on the ground is effortless and what you get from it
isn’t nearly as good, in fact, often bad.

Expend a little energy – good fruit gives it back.

Reach up for your fruit.
It’s good for you.