Tag Archives: friendship

Social Scaling

Social Media Companies get big
because we  want to get big


Connection and sharing is why social media works.
As that was accepted and used it became big business.
Big business has it’s responsibilities.
So do we.


Social Media companies got us to voluntarily grow their base by allowing us to connect with people for free. Smart plan. This is a great thing, and we all knew it. Since about 2004, it was a new method to easily share information in all sorts of ways. It’s fun – we gained a bit of celebrity, having our post up there for all to see. We try to persuade the world to see it our way. We’re little movie stars.


Once that scaled, things began to change. Users egos obfuscated a site’s slow but steady increase in position. By promoting ourselves, we collectively promoted the company. By getting used to it, we couldn’t easily change away from it.


Reaching your friends is the main goal here, isn’t it still? And do we even think to call them? Nowhere near as much as we message them from the site or app.
When a big event in your life happens, it’s about our inner circle first and not all the multitudes of “friends.”


What a company does, we also do


Should we blame the companies without looking at our behavior as well?
We see company changes that slowly remove what we signed up for in our ability to connect as slight betrayals of the original concept. It leaves people feeling misled and manipulated.
Users manipulate too. Users try to get big by posting things that are either larger than life or are otherwise essentially spamming their “friends.” Facebook correctly made changes addressing like-baiting and link-spammers. They are marketing themselves, and often it’s far from the truth.


We’re all people involved in the human dynamic. “The company” is still a collection of individuals. What if we were to choose a company as we would a friend, knowing why we associate with them and keeping that straight.


A good concept grows when it helps people. I support loyalty to the principle of it’s founding. I support finding new ways of getting what you’re after without violating trust. Continued abuses should force us to rethink the support of our choice. Our habits are hard to break. This is counted upon and where the Titanic principle comes into play.


The onus is with us as users and not solely on the social media company.  The benefit of the internet is that we the people get to decide what works. It’s not a company simply putting an ad on TV. Now it’s about connection. And those who do it best, in this era, are and will continue to win.
This connection goes for our personal lives as well.


Shared purpose should have mutual benefits. When a business shifts the shared purpose away from the users, it opens the door for the next idea to come forward. Eventually people move to the next thing that delivers the ideal that a company forgot about.
It was thought that the Titanic was never going to sink. But it did. Errors of buying the sales pitch eventually brought it down.


Would connection to your real friends go away if your social media accounts did? Are you contacting or are you connecting?
Stay invested in connection.


The Cycle Of Friendship

Are you being a good friend?

It’s not easy to find a real lasting friend.
Friends come and friends go.
Some friendships burn bright and fade, some are because of the group of others around. Some are situational, during short periods of time when you are both teammates or on a project.


It starts from a shared interest or experience.
It lasts when the connection is below what’s seen.
And so we cycle through friendships looking for the qualities that energize us, lift us up, and allow us to share what we love doing with someone else who sees it the same way.


When you have a good friendship, you have given to it and taken from it at different times and in different amounts. If having a friend is in any way rewarding, then you have learned what it means to be a good friend. Being aware of it isn’t the same as the action of it. You understand it when you have received that reward back. Friendship is reciprocal. Fun is too.


If you go a level deeper in that thought, so too is negative reinforcement reciprocal. If you have someone calling you out and doing wrong to you and you stick around for any reason, you are going to engage in some form of negative positioning back.
Friendships assimilate. Friendship could be between two caustic and rude people too. Birds of a feather flock together.


Who your friends are and what you think of them reflects what you are thinking about yourself. Thinking highly of a friend means you are more likely to go out of your way for them, to do right by them and with the rule of reciprocity according to a good relationship, you will get that in return.


Parents, look at your kids’ friends to see where they are in their evaluation of themselves. Encourage good connections. Discourage ones that bring about results in behavior you want to steer them away from. For yourself, if your life is out of sorts in any way, consider who you are spending your time with. Changing that single thing will switch your outlook as the days go on.


Being around productive people is inspiring and brings peace. This is one of the keys to happiness.
Hang around people who can bring out your best and you will have gained something inside to give back to them.


Peddle the cycle of friendship.



Fine. Uuuugh.
What does that mean and why did fine become the answer?
Attempt at politeness noted, can I move on now?
Let me be polite in other ways.

How am I? Really, you wanna know?
I doubt it mostly.
If I don’t say the obligatory fine and ask them back some people get bent about it.
I like the polite part of societal sayings but I want us to all think for ourselves so we can have some real communication instead of thoughtless obligations.

For about 10 years now my usual response is “Awake and Alive” from Peter Gabriel’s
“In your eyes.” I tried others for quite awhile but this was different enough.
In standard societal mentality people start to say the same thing to it.
I get “that’s a good thing” mostly in response.
One reason I do it is to give people pause. To think about the art of breaking routine.
The other thing I like about it is that it gives you quick insight into a person
based upon their response. If they are quick and creative you get something back
that makes you laugh. If they blow by without pause, they’re not easily affected
by other people or stopped listening and are living on auto-pilot.
Mostly though you get a smile from a jimmied routine. That’s good enough.
Better than fine.

Being honest can be perceived as mean to some.
Sometimes another benefit to my response is that it gives me time to escape.
I don’t really have the time to stick around for the answer in many cases
so I don’t usually ask it.  I’ll throw out “Awake and Alive” and keep moving.
Is that rude?
I consider not respecting my time rude too if you’re gonna soak it up with
a long diatribe that I’m obliged to stay for.

I ask it to those I am ready to spend time with in a situation that isn’t just in passing.
I’ll come and hang out when I can and then I’ll find out about your life.
Right now though I’m going somewhere, I got things… so I can’t really dig in
as we pass by each other about how you’re doing.

I have Pastor friends who give so much of their time to honestly talk with people.
I admire that way of living but I think it would be exhausting talking to people
who I’d rather not. Their end game is better than mine.
The thing is, telling me isn’t doing much for you. I’m not that important to your day.
Don’t you have something to do also?

It’s been used as a tactic on me.
When your brown-nosing work associate asks you in front of other
“important people” in the company and they use the high voice ask
like it’s supposed to be more genuine, they’re full of it.
You know it too. It’s out of character.
They want to be seen as someone who’s playing nice and being…whatever,
I move on as quickly as I can. I don’t enjoy the feeling of being played.

What you really have to be prepared for are the ones, not good friends mind you,
who say something like “horrible – just horrible.”
They are subliminally asking for your time.
From that moment on, you’re looking for a way to get out of the conversation because you’re supposed to inquire as to why. They need to dump out their ick on you,
which neither solves their problem nor leaves you with anything good.
It’s funny to hear that and see someone reply, “ok then” and keep moving on.
You don’t walk into the tar pit without getting stuck.

More and more in the world you can tell the people who care and those who kinda don’t.
Their actions and words match.
More people don’t care than I ever remember and yet
you just can’t get away from that fake question.
Shake it up – be real.
Find another way to be polite in a standard way that let’s me keep moving
until I can spend time finding out about your life.
That’s what friendship is for.

What’s the matter with Hi and then moving along?
Is acknowledgment of your presence caring enough?
I think it is.
Alright, enough – I’m done.

Have a good day.
There’s another one!