Tag Archives: honest

The Truth Is Not PC

The action is dumb – not the person


Let’s figure out how to call dumb things dumb and separate it from the person.  I do stupid things too, and by the way so do you. Let’s call it what it is so we can do that less by being aware of it.
I find that tact has a large role to play here.


If you’re going to call out something that people will be sensitive to, the part to figure out isn’t whether you should call it out or not, we can make that decision easily. Rather, it’s how to say it.  If done too harshly,  you’ll be pushing people away and the point will be lost.


Smart people do dumb things and dumb people do smart things


I’m not a fan of the political correctness action anymore.
It’s not honest.
“PC” used to just be called polite. It was needed. Unfairness was and is present but calling an action what it is remains the truth – on both sides. Inequality isn’t right and neither is manipulation.


I hope we’re evolving to this. I’m hoping the development in acceptance of the internet made a cultural difference. Online we can be more anonymous by sight. We can be held to what we offer. It shook up the way we connect. It seems that bigotry in the younger generations isn’t what it used to be with many views available online being the norm. A person’s world isn’t so sheltered. Isolation breeds unaccepting behavior. Even a little progress is still progress.


Some don’t like when a truth is called out and we hope they come back around. Speaking truth is not being mean. We can hold back a bit out of kindness. Having a definite take can serve to open discussion if truth is the goal instead of being right even if you’re not.


The truth is part of another’s point of view too. Not having all the viewpoints may mean you are still gathering the facts. Truth can be viewed from two different perspectives. Even with that, there are obvious points to agree upon.


The danger is when lies become the truth. When someone lies, the actions of themselves and the others involved move forward in the wrong direction from that lie. It gains momentum. It always gets found out, but the wake of damage ruins lives – potentially generationally.


 Obstinance in lies cuts the connection. In the end, we’re all trying to find connection.

Tell me the truth. If I’m being dumb, I’d rather deal with it now.

We have to make it our world to sort through what’s true and find the real parts where our views intersect.
Know who’s delivering real to us. Value that.

That’s progress.
We can work with progress.


What is Nice?


Being nice does not mean
to accept being treated badly


People expect so much out of someone else, so much more than they are willing to do themselves. Their judgements are based upon some false sense of right and wrong, one that they only get the right to claim if they can live out.


If you see someone in public that has treated you more than just unkind are you still
supposed to wave to them and be nice, going out of your way even a little to do so? If you did, you could have great results – if not for them, it would clear you even somewhat of
the animosity you want to feel for them, and that’s at worst. The best is you could turn a bad situation into a good one. That’s exceptional though.
That’s what churches preach and it’s a good question to ask of yourself. Can I be nice to that person?
We are also not to accept being doormats and allow people to walk all over us. Move away from bad behavior. That’s actually in the Bible.
The challenge as I see it is to reconcile the concept of being nice but with limits, keeping us from being taken advantage of.


Another Reality Of Nice

The other way one could think of this idea of being nice is that you can be honest.
Not acknowledging that person who is bad news to you is just showing that you don’t
accept bad behavior and you’re not asking it into your day. You’d keep the status quo – they already don’t like you for whatever reason. Move away from bad behavior. Manage what’s coming at you. Be a good example to yourself and anyone else struggling with this type of situation.
Maybe you could ask yourself if their opinion is valid and check yourself.
Otherwise separating from them isn’t really a bad thing.
The problems they give you are theirs to live with, not yours.


Be nice by moving on.
Being cordial can serve enough to convict someone of their own bad behavior but if not, that’s their call. You’ve done what you can by first not participating in bad practices.
It’s nice because it’s honest.


There are good transactions to be a part of and those propel each of us forward far better than their alternative. Find those, raise your day. Be honest with yourself and others by connecting with the connectable.
THAT is nice!


Growing Down To Learn Again

Remember when you were
first learning to talk?

Me neither.

We didn’t mind that we were wrong much of the time.
It was ok because we knew we were learning.

We were figuring out how to put words and sounds together to express ourselves
and let another person know what was up with us.


I don’t think we got that much better over the years.
Just because we use words these days as grown-ups doesn’t mean we’re really sharing information well with others.


When you grow up, you learn principles of adult life.
I’ve seen many eschew this challenge. (see what I did there?)

When you grow down, you admit that you have more to learn and you position yourself into the spirit of learning as you did when you were a kid.


If you’ve ever seen a true craftsman or expert, they are confident enough in their understanding that they don’t need to impress upon you their level of knowledge.
They are comfortable with learning a new piece of information about their craft because of their secureness with it.


They have grown up to adopt that spirit. They have evolved back into the open mindedness of a kid, who happens to have attained a great deal of knowledge.


3 reasons to grow down


1. We were more honest as kids
Now we have all these things we hide, things we protect from other people when we talk with them. So we can’t really be honest too much or they’ll know something we don’t want known. We learn that there are times we don’t want people around us peering in to our lives and that being honest makes us too vulnerable.


2. We use our words incorrectly
We might know some smart words but we don’t have any real idea
what they mean. Still we use them to sound all big so people will think we’re smart. Using big words that people don’t know is only smart if you’re using it right, and/or in the right setting. Otherwise you’re not being smart AND not communicating. Why talk at all then?
Nobody’s really listening.


3. We think we’re done learning now
Why? Because we’re grown up?
The more you know, the more you know there is to know.
But we get content. Then our content gets content. Then we flatline.


I wonder if the reason we were so able to be happy as kids is that we were fine with the spirit of learning. That’s the mode we accepted. We gained a greater sense of self as we learned more, but there comes a point when most think they know all they need to know, and stop learning at that kid rate.


Our sense of wonder stopped growing. Our sense that more was possible, that we could accomplish what we envision fades away slowly.
That we could envision something that might not be common or understood gets scary and so we conform.
School teaches us that too – conformity.


What does growing up mean?
Why are we in such a hurry to grow up when growing up means moving to standards not dreamed by you?


Grow down.


Admit that you’re still learning. In continuing to learn you can let go of the social pretenses and allow yourself the freedom of wonder in a statement like “I don’t know, let’s find out”, or one of my favorites, “what if…”


You’ll remember how to dream again.
That charges you up.


In professing to know you’re refusing to grow.
And any dreams just won’t be as fun to push into.


Roots grow down.


Is it your opinion
or a deeper belief?
There’s a huge difference.


I see bumper stickers for diversity and equality.
Good statements.
Those who place them on their bumpers are displaying a belief.
Do they mean it?
Have they thought about what that means in practice?
I hope so.
When you have a strong belief,
you are held to a standard based upon that conviction.


The layers of other bumper stickers underneath
For clarity, A thought is the first consideration of a topic.
It is the most easily changed.
An opinion  is one level deeper than a thought about a subject
It can also be changed, but with more repeated influence.
A belief is a deeply held conviction that has more to do with
how you view the world, and your place in it.
Beliefs are not easily changed.
Beliefs have more to say about who you are.


All of these are as diverse as the people that hold them.
You could say that these are among the top reasons why people are so diverse.


There is way more to disagree with because there are
far more thoughts than opinions and more opinions than beliefs.
If we can agree that everybody sees things differently,
then it’s easy to conclude that there are far more ways of looking
at something than our ability to agree with would allow.
There’s a lot to think through just to even get to an opinion,
much less the conviction of belief.


So as you stand strong and share an opinion,
you know that most people will refute it in their own mind.
That doesn’t denigrate the quality of your opinion.
You couldn’t get 100% agreement that 2+2=4.
Someone would vehemently disagree, from the philosophy of their belief.
Why are we so concerned with the fact that people oppose our opinion?
If we cling so tightly to it, arguing to gain compliance,
we can’t get as much done.
It’s time spent on the wrong thing.


There are some moments of give with an opinion
and some moments of standing strong on your beliefs.
Figuring all that out makes for an interesting day.


My opinion is that disagreeing is something to be considered.
It’s more information and not really all that threatening.
It’s honest communication.
Oh…that’s gotta be why.

It’s tied to one’s self-concept.
People deceive to shape what they want you to think
about them but don’t realize that it’s not what they really are.
Yeah? Maybe?

My thought toward a solution?
Speak unwaveringly, but kind, out of your beliefs.
Listen and discuss out of your opinions.
Work on your thoughts inside your head.


Hearing other thoughts, opinions and beliefs
may be worthy and push your world view.
I believe the pursuit of that goal will last a lifetime.
What do you think?


Turns out I can write better cards than Hallmark.
Their writers aren’t living my life.

When I have a good thought about someone in my circle of friends,
a practice I use is to let them know it.

It’s ironic that we have more communication tools and means than ever before
but our practice of communication is weaker than in the past.
It’s a human tool not simply machinery.

Think of it, how often do you get a text or email or phone message
where someone is telling you what a benefit you are to them in any way?

That thought that you had about that person came to you for some reason.
Act on it and see what happens.

Relationship is about being vulnerable/honest enough to tell the truth, good or bad.
If it’s easy to tell someone what they did wrong, that’s not nearly as constructive
as you think.

Being convinced against your will isn’t being convinced.

Telling them what you like about them or value, that would be affirming
and strengthen your ability to be listened to later if they did something
needing corrective input.

It’s easier than ever now.
I’ll shoot a text message when that happens to me.
When I get some of that back, I might reply that I’m glad to have thought of them today,
even just this quickly.
It’s funny how good conversations you have with trusted friends
seem to contain the very thing you need to hear.

I had a discussion with a good friend that shaped my thoughts due to their wisdom.

After having dinner with friends, I’ll text them later what I liked about our time,
a good line of the night or just that I appreciated it.
Very simple and not sappy. Real.

It’s what I love about New York – the ability to be real.
No problem telling you anything, good or bad.
The mindset seems to be – There’s things to do. I gotta get to ’em.
The result is that you know where you stand and you have the chance
to feel appreciated by those in your circle.

You have an affect others, make it a bond strengthening one.