Let’s figure out how to call dumb things dumb and separate it from the person. I do stupid things too, and by the way so do you. Let’s call it what it is so we can do that less by being aware of it.
I find that tact has a large role to play here.
If you’re going to call out something that people will be sensitive to, the part to figure out isn’t whether you should call it out or not, we can make that decision easily. Rather, it’s how to say it. If done too harshly, you’ll be pushing people away and the point will be lost.
Smart people do dumb things and dumb people do smart things
I’m not a fan of the political correctness action anymore.
It’s not honest.
“PC” used to just be called polite. It was needed. Unfairness was and is present but calling an action what it is remains the truth – on both sides. Inequality isn’t right and neither is manipulation.
I hope we’re evolving to this. I’m hoping the development in acceptance of the internet made a cultural difference. Online we can be more anonymous by sight. We can be held to what we offer. It shook up the way we connect. It seems that bigotry in the younger generations isn’t what it used to be with many views available online being the norm. A person’s world isn’t so sheltered. Isolation breeds unaccepting behavior. Even a little progress is still progress.
Some don’t like when a truth is called out and we hope they come back around. Speaking truth is not being mean. We can hold back a bit out of kindness. Having a definite take can serve to open discussion if truth is the goal instead of being right even if you’re not.
The truth is part of another’s point of view too. Not having all the viewpoints may mean you are still gathering the facts. Truth can be viewed from two different perspectives. Even with that, there are obvious points to agree upon.
The danger is when lies become the truth. When someone lies, the actions of themselves and the others involved move forward in the wrong direction from that lie. It gains momentum. It always gets found out, but the wake of damage ruins lives – potentially generationally.
Obstinance in lies cuts the connection. In the end, we’re all trying to find connection.
Tell me the truth. If I’m being dumb, I’d rather deal with it now.
We have to make it our world to sort through what’s true and find the real parts where our views intersect.
Know who’s delivering real to us. Value that.
We’re wired to grow. It happens without our consent.
What direction our growth takes is something we can affect.
From what we eat and how we take care of our bodies, to what we read or learn, we shape the areas in which our growth happens.
Grace with tact – the act of letting it go, combined with knowledge have to be in increasing supply to permit proper growth.
Development is what we move towards naturally. It’s more of a conscious decision not to progress. Our bodies, our minds, our jobs, our experiences all provide maturation.
We have to allow ourselves to not think we know something when we don’t in order to learn about it. We have to let go of the front we pose or we won’t understand, our sights are then set on the façade rather than the depth of understanding the new information. Proper focus will allow knowledge to take root.
Grace and knowledge
That alone is a lifelong process.
But there are plenty of intelligent people with depreciating values.
They demand, hold things over others, cajole, manipulate, coerce, but do not connect.
Knowledge has a purpose and that is to affect others. To mentor, to create, to collaborate, share, pass along and make better.
That is growth beyond us.
Many act as though the pursuit of knowledge is the end game.
It is not.
Relationship is the end game, accomplished by sharing knowledge.
It evolves a species, technologically and relationally.
Knowledge can be gained through information but it’s not valued until it’s experienced.
It’s not fully experienced until it’s shared.
We’re never done growing up.
You can always question things
inside your own head
Questioning strengthens a process or opinion.
Let’s make the distinction between the noun and the verb – between asking in order to sort out your own understanding and questioning the standard or principle.
Asking a question is simpler and innocuous. It brings clarity.
Questioning, by contrast, is viewed as a challenge and seeks to change what has been established.
Asking is simple but we humans tend to make it more complex.
Asking for clarity engenders a different reaction than telling does. You’ve no doubt seen people who are really asking a question but do so in an authoritative manner, as though they’re telling you and still asking at the same time – confusing. That doesn’t bring about the right base reaction. They can’t clear the hurdle of that initial human reflex in many cases and get less than the full amount of understanding because of it. Doing so with a more inquisitive nature removes that. Inherently if you’re asking someone, you are submitting that you don’t know all of the information and authority has no relevance. You are not telling, you’re asking. It’s one or the other there. Regardless of your job, it shows the right spirit for information rather than positioning.
Publicly questioning, while seeming good on the surface, has it’s own gotcha’s.
Discretion and tact are your most effective tools whether in public or private.
Answer questions on your own if you can.
A good rule of thumb might well be to question using a bit more privacy.
To question the status quo is a wary progression.
Done right, it deepens relationships.
Done wrong, it fractures them.
Done right, it either fortifies or creates timely and called for change.
Done wrong, it chips away at the foundation or separates.
It’s more than just doing the right thing.
Right, done wrong, is wrong.
Seek the challenge beneath the problem. How is still a question. Why is a better one.
We are very sensitive these days.
With less social borders in our day
we call out people from our cars, computers
and phones. It seems as though people are
out giving their opinions everywhere.
I’m doing it now.
In so many cases I see publicly, or what is offered on TV or the interweb,
people just throw an opinion without another side, and without any
redeeming counter or question.
Worse, many people accept it as truth only because it was put in front of them.
I wonder if some people have just never been taught the art of tact, compassion,
or even the ability to get along.
This is tested daily when things don’t go like we want them to.
I didn’t get my way. So what?
The only productive thing to do when things don’t go like you want
is to move forward with as good of a situation as you can muster.
I say this to myself through this post.
Go ahead and get bothered, quickly, fine, but you gotta get on with things.
Sure there’s points where disrespect is so present that you need to
move away from it or call it out, but otherwise, push past the oversight if you can.
I try to stay quieter than normal and let actions be what you are judged by.
Not that I’m really that great at it but I know it’s the thing I have to do.
Trying gets me better at it.
This will thicken your skin. It thickens your skin by absorbing nutrients
through the weathering of storms. It’s hard to hang on.
It’s especially hard for extroverts who might react faster than introverts
but if you recognize it, you will find character in it.
Character is built when you do what’s right in the face of opposition
to your own tendencies.
Growing some character lets you grow into other directions you can’t get to
without the difficulty of forging through that process.
You don’t just go from undisciplined, bad behavior and destructive relationships to high character, disciplined and living on purpose without going through steps to set the habits.
I know, you try to get along and help others.
Your interaction in their lives is what makes you friends.
It’s a two-way street. If you’re outputting, you should have much input from them too.
This sharpens you both, right? Communication deepens relationships.
The people barking orders without accepting any input – those telling you what’s wrong with you – being overly critical, they call themselves realists. They’re living that out.
It’s the one bad apple out of a hundred that gets your attention.
The fruit in their lives is rotten.
It’s laying all over the ground and nobody is coming to pick it up.
Sad that they don’t realize that they can do something about it.
They don’t seem to have the tools to know when it’s good to plant (give)
and when it’s best to pick (take).
When their opinion isn’t accepted it makes them more bitter and
more convicted in their “bleakist” opinions.
If a softening doesn’t come from your influence, from your being honest
with them in a kind way, then you have to move away from them.
They will affect you.
These are extremes, I realize.
We all know these people though.
I think realizing extremes makes doing the tough stuff for those of us
in the middle easier to recognize and then do.
When fruit is ripe it comes off without resistance.
Too early and it’s a struggle – it’s still too green.
Too late and it’s already fallen away.
The reach takes some effort, and it is worth it.
Picking up what’s on the ground is effortless and what you get from it
isn’t nearly as good, in fact, often bad.
Expend a little energy – good fruit gives it back.